Taking a stroll from Broadway to Central Park West yesterday afternoon, I was struck by something out of a clear spring sky. I mean that quite literally: a heavy green chunk of something landed on and promptly broke my collarbone. I wondered, in that stumbling, shambling state of shock, whether the policemen shouting to me from the street had indeed been trying to warn me off this obviously treacherous path rather than ridiculing my gold toga, as is their custom. More greenish stone rained down, sending the cops scrambling for cover—why, I can’t imagine. It was just the cornice of an apartment building falling off. I would think New Yorkers had gotten used to such a routine inconvenience!
Local firefighters argue over whose turn it is to be brave
I suppose when one has lived among the crumbling infrastructure of ancient Rome as I have, these crane accidents and bridge collapses barely excite the senses anymore. Still, you people have no excuse for such rampant fear-mongering: do you really think your shoddy engineering standards are what’s bringing these structures down? As anyone who’s read Gibbon’s masterly “The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” knows, a disintegrating infrastructure is but one symptom of the loss of the “civic virtue” (a.k.a. “manliness”) that keeps imperial regimes airborne. Amend your effeminate lifestyles, and maybe your tenement will stand the test of time.
Also, what are you, too good for paganism?
—Caligula
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