Perfect. As soon as I get to Manhattan for the season, I find out that this douchebag red-tailed hawk named Hank thinks he owns the place and routinely demands “tribute” from any “pussy” birds roosting on the island. What am I, back in high school?
Hank forces mortified human family to witness evisceration of beloved pet cockatoo
Here’s what’s up, Hank: we all know that inside you’re some crybaby brat that had a messed up childhood and craves love. Probably your mom preened you till you were way too old for it. Whatever. Maybe if anyone gave a shit about your emotional health we would deal with that. But instead we’re just going to keep telling you where the weak squirrels are hiding so you can pick them off without all the wingwork. We’ll cave to your every bullying demand, denying you any catharsis whatsoever. No one will ever love you, and you’ll die alone, so fucking alone, wondering why no one stood up to you and turned your life around. Sad, right?
No. No one will be sad.
[...] the Yank 14 05 2008 Those of you presumptuous mammals that thought Hank the secretly insecure hawk was not your problem, take note: no longer is Manhattan’s biggest red-tailed bully limiting [...]